Twee keer zeven

In het leven

Het overkomt me niet zo vaak. Maar zeker eens per jaar verander ik in een emo-moeder. Al zeven jaar heb ik dat sowieso elke vijfde dag van het jaar. Want dan ineens zijn ze weer een jaartje ouder. Natuurlijk weet ik dat alle kinderen bijzonder zijn, maar deze twee…

Lief Frommeltje, kleine vechter. Wat is het soms naar dat je altijd wilt strijden. Niet voor mij, maar voor jou. Want liefje, het is niet nodig. Maar wat ben ik dankbaar dat je dat zo goed kan. Want wat was het zeven jaar geleden elke dag weer spannend met jou, en wat wist je jezelf er toch elke keer weer keihard bovenop te knokken. Eén van mijn twee grootste angsten ooit, was jou te verliezen. Maar van 650 gram heb je je toch maar even mooi naar boven de 20 kilo geknokt. BAM! Zeven jaar later… Ik ben nog steeds vaak bang je te verliezen. Maar dan is dat omdat je bent afgedwaald. Wat geniet ik dan als ik je zie dromen. Helemaal weg, in je eigen veilige wereldje. Tot je opkijkt en naar me lacht… Dromertje, grapjas, stuntpiloot, vechter, kleine kunstenaar. Lieve Robin, trotser kun je me niet maken. 

Lieve wijsneus, vandaag zeven jaar geleden hadden wij elkaar nog niet eens ontmoet. Eén van mijn twee grootste angsten ooit was jou nooit te mogen ontmoeten. Twee hele lange dagen moest ik het doen met slechts een foto. Daarna pas ontmoetten wij elkaar. Nóg twee dagen later mocht ik je pas in m’n armen sluiten. Niet te hard want, ook al leek je groot naast je zus, wat was je met nog geen 900 gram ook een mini-mensje. Je kon nog niet eens huilen, zo klein. Gelukkig duurde het niet lang voor je liet weten dat er een brandweervrouwtje in jou verstopt zat. Je galmde over de NICU heen. Zeven jaar later… Bijdehand, standvastig, te luid voor een decibelmeter en snel in alle opzichten. Lieve Lola, ook al hou ik vaak mijn handen op mijn oren en zeg ik dat het wel wat zachter mag: ik ben ontzettend dankbaar jouw sirene áltijd te mogen horen. 

Ik ken oprecht niemand sterker dan onze powervrouwtjes. En wat hou ik onwijs veel van deze lieve kleine mafkeesjes. 

(Dit lezen ze over een jaar of drie, want veel langer duurt het niet voor ze online gaan 😳)

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